12 True Statements (of Variable Verity)
1. I like to stay up late at night, get fucked up on hard cider, and read CNN paid sponsorship clickbait.
2. I sometimes try and make myself cry on the G train because I’d like to be the kind of person who could cry.
3. I tell myself that I am going to go to yoga and then don’t go to yoga and then hate myself more for not going to yoga.
4. I go to chain restaurants and lie when they ask if I have “been here before.” I tell them that I haven’t. But I have. I just want to make sure that I am doing everything correctly. Maybe I’m forgetting something. I’m probably forgetting something. My memory is terrible. It’s better to just play dumb and have them repeat their spiel to me. Then I’ll get everything right. I’ll be the perfect customer. But also sometimes they recognize me.
5. College students ask me what I want to do with my life. I’m 27. I don’t have an answer for them.
6. My mother has been sending me articles. She sent me an article about a group of bi plane pilots who live in Cincinnati. I saw a bi plane when I was five and couldn’t stop talking about it for weeks. (I don’t remember this but it tracks.)
7. In number 3, search and replace “yoga” for every activity in my life that would help me feel better about myself.
8. The burrito place I like to go to has a loyalty rewards program. Nine burritos and the tenth one is free. It’s a punch card system. I don’t have the punch card. They’ve never offered it and I’m too afraid of people to ask. But also sometimes they recognize me.
9. The task of electing a literature chair is the main thing that is keeping me from attending 12 step meetings.
10. I deleted (most of) my social media accounts. I now look for validation doing this instead. It’s barely working.
11. If I am walking to my apartment building and I see that someone else is already at the front door, fumbling with their keys, I will walk around the block so that they don’t feel like I am sneaking in behind them.
12. I go to parties on rooftops and immediately hear police sirens.
